I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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