while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize