I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
