that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
