I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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