you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
