Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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