I will die if light touches me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
