She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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