Have you finally orgasmed yet?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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