just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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