craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Randomize
