Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm like, not good at living.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
