It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
