I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
