Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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