His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
