how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
