All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
