You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
