Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
only you would photoshop your dick
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
