My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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