if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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