so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize