ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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