so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
