Princesses don't give blow jobs
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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