you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
