I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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