a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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