Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
