I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
