well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
