frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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