I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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