I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
