i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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