Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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