Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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