I just cut my nipple shaving
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
