help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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