I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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