Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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