i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
