literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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