he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
