youre lurking in front of me
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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