You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
