just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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