Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
