My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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