i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
