did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
