You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize