So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
