I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
