i was rollin on her like bob the builder
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
