Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
