legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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