Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
