We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
