I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
