trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
