Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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