the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
