I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
