On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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