I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Michael Bay diarrhea
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
