it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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