I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
