is wine microwaveable?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
