One girl and one boy is just not enough.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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