going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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