some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
