Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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